Feb 23 2009
The Stevesbets Guide to Etiquette
Living in a place as packed as New York City leads to many issues, among them is how we should all treat each other in various venues. The way that many behave is outrageous and I think thats due to the fact that with no penalties governing socially conscious or appropriate behavior, they see no reason to follow any sort of rules. Additionally the set of rules does not exist, so I have set out to create some that I hope will stick.
Movies:
Talking is permitted in movie theaters before the movie begins and also in a small amount during trailers. The level of talking during the trailers depends on whether the lights are turned out before they begin or after they end. As a general rule of thumb, if you never utter a word in a movie theater after the lights go out then you are doing the right thing
Things not permitted during the movie are:
-talking for anything but emergencies, going to the bathroom more than once (when it provides substantial difficulty to others for you to get out)
-texting (this is maybe the most annoying thing people do)
-Laughing in an obnoxiously loud and annoying manner particularly at things that aren’t funny (this should be prohibited in nearly all walks of life but especailly at movies)
-Oooohing and aaaaahing excessively or otherwise making sounds effects concerning what is happening in all but the most unavoidable instances
-Answering a phone call (I can’t really fathom what would compel someone to talk on the phone during a movie without at least attempting to leave the theater first)
-Worst of all, creating a far worse disruption by loudly arguing with someone who you want to quiet down. I really believe some form of these rules should be enforced since everyone pays for a ticket and those who are appropriate do not deserve to be punished.
Elevators:
Do not feel compelled to hold an elevator door for someone who is far away and taking their time. Further, if someone else is in the elevator with you, it is rude to do so. I am always befuddled particularly at places like Borgata where each elevator bank has 6 lightning fast elevators and yet people still feel compelled to hold elevator doors for people 30 feet away instead of just letting them get the next one. Why is the person trying to reach the elevator more important than the people you are holding up by holding the elevator door? EXCEPTION: If you are alone on an elevator and a blind person is coming who may have trouble pushing the button on his own then you are compelled to take the extra time to wait and assist. This will rarely if ever happen.
In accordance with the last statement, do NOT expect the elevator door to be held for you particularly if you are slowing lumbering towards it. Sometimes people give a bit of a snarl if the door isn’t held for them when they made no good faith effort to get to the elevator more quickly in recognition of someone waiting for them, this is outrageous.
If someone does hold the door for you, do make an effort to approach more quickly while quietly acknowledging to yourself that you really do not expect them to hold the door for you but since they are you will return the small “kindness” with a bit of effort.
When in the elevator space out appropriately. As a general rule there should be an equal amount of space between all people on the elevator and MOST people naturally gravitate in a way that make that happen. Certain individuals who are particularly objectionable to stand near do not get this convention and will stand basically touching you in an elevator with only you and he on it, this is unacceptable.
Doors:
No one has a right to have a door held for them, if someone does hold the door for you, you should thank them. If someone does not hold the door for you, do not get angry, it is not an inalienable right. If someone is carrying too much for them to handle and they are immediately behind you then you should hold the door for them in the name of decency but they nevertheless do not have the right to get angry at you if you do not.
Babies:
Do not take them to late or serious movies where they will be disruptive. Do not take them to fancy restaurants. Do not expect elevator doors to be held for extra long periods so a toddler can crawl in (this one should have been covered in the elevator section).
Dogs:
Keep them on a leash at all times in public(I think this one may be law). Do not assume that everyone likes them just because you do.
Biking:
There is not exactly etiquette on this one but my own personal opinion is you need to be pretty crazy to bike on the streets of new york city. When I drive around here the bikers constantly seem in imminent danger. Traffic is nuts and you never know which way cars are going to swerve. According to the law it will always be the cars fault if there is an accident between bike and car, but I nevertheless do not understand the bikers casual indifference to their own life. I would think even if they wont be legally accountable in an accident, their body would feel accountable and therefore they would obey traffic lights, go slowly and carefully etc. They simply do not, it is psychotic
Subways:
Can’t help you here, it’s a free for all
Restaurants:
Keep volume level reasonable for the given venue. Rule of thumb: if someone sitting in the middle of the restaurant if they would hear your words clearly and the rest of the restaurant is white noise to them, you are speaking too loudly.
If you are done and there are many people waiting for tables, give up the table. This does not apply somewhere like a sports bar where you go for the whole game or for coffee shops where the very nature of the business encourages lingering.
If there are any other topics you would like the definitive rules of etiquette on, submit them as comments and I will try to address them.